Day Dreaming away the Chores

While yes, we often have to do things we would rather not have to do.  We spend lots of time at work, doing chores, running errands and they all consume a large part of our lives.  But that doesn’t mean, that in the midst of having to do these things, we can’t be consumed with our real loves, and passions. Our goals, our dreams, and visions.  They should be wide awake alive, and in our thoughts all day long while doing the mundane.  Pushing us through the not so fun stuff, until we can be doing exactly what it is we are suppose to be doing!  Do you daydream? Find yourself thinking about your passion, what your going to do next, what’s your next step in your vision to your desired goal?  Would love to hear all about it!?  Hope everyone has a wonderful Saturday!!!

Hugs~Shell

Week 4~ Organization in Elfin Style

Those little guys work wonders at the North Pole! All year long, they are busy creating and bustling about in a timely, organized fashion to get Christmas off to a Magical and Festive start!  So we are going to take some tips from the little fellas up North and create our holiday magic in Elfin fashion!

We’ve got our lists, we know what we are going to do, and now we just need to break stuff down into mini-bites! Scrumptious morsels, that will get the job done, and not over load or add unwanted stress to our already chaotic lives.  It’s possible again with a little time (about an hour), a 1/2″ binder, some colored pens, and a good cup of hot cocoa! The cocoa is for the mood, relaxing, and energizing all at the same time…:)

Within your 1/2″ binder, you are going to divide it up into 6 sections.  The first 3 will be the you must have in your holidays, the next 2 will be the would like to have, and the last 1 is your “I’m trying something new” section.   I like to create a quick design on the front of each divider, a picture, title or something that jumps out at you, as to give you a quick visual of what you are wanting to accomplish for each section.  Below is an example of how my 1st divider would be:

My first section is Thanksgiving Dinner:

On the divider, I taped a photo of a simple, and elegant style that I am trying to mimic for my holiday dinner, and below it I wrote in:  Add Home made Chutney, and Cranberry sauce (I like canning, and creating my own sauces)

This photo gives me an awesome visual idea of what I am including in my meal, how I would like to decorate, as well as color schemes, settings and overall presentation.  I have a tendency to lean towards simple so this photo resonated well with me.  The next page was What the dinner will include.  After that page, the grocery list I need to make all of these tasty plates.  Then I went onto creating a list of items needed for presentation.  Such as gourds, pumpkins, water goblets, Indian corn,  a fall color table runner, as well as napkins.  Most of these items can be found reasonable priced at TJ Maxx, Marshalls, even Family Dollar has many holiday decors for less money.  Trying to achieve your desired results doesn’t have to mean going broke on the first section of your holiday binder!! Be creative and check out places you normally wouldn’t go.

By the time you are done with your first section, it should include grocery lists, decorations, recipes should be taped into the section, so you will not lose them,  and I always have a random page where I jot stuff done as they come to mind.

Continue going through your next 5 sections, putting in photos and then breaking down the photo to lists and ideas, recipes etc.  You are going to keep this list with you, pretty much every time you leave the house.  You never know when you may stop at a store and see something you love! If it’s a great deal, grab it, and cross it off your list as you go along.  That way you won’t be saying 2 weeks from now, did I buy that already?  As the holidays grow closer, our minds real with a million things to do, it’s easy to get scattered and forget what we have gotten and what we may still need.  Keeping our little holiday binder near, keeps us less likely to go off track, keeps the spending within your budget, and maintains the look and feel of what you are trying to achieve for the holidays!

I hope this article helps keep your holidays exciting, festive, and best of all stress free!!

Please feel free to write me with any comments, ideas, or other thoughts you may have!

Till next week…. Happy Friday Everyone!!

When your world goes upside down, What gives?

Just wanted to write a quick blog, in the middle of some chaos, to let everyone know that there could possibly be a break of two weeks between blogs.

I am in the middle of moving, and though it was expected, it wasn’t expected this soon! We are moving in 4 days…and yes everything must be packed! The house is completely ransacked, and you can barely move through the kitchen…But it’s getting there!

Packing has made me aware of many things.  How much garbage we accumulate, with the intent of maybe using it some day.   Or the emotional attachment that we have to it, and really when you think about it….That’s a whole lot of baggage! I can see in my future, a giant yardsale, and clean out my external space, like I have done with my internal space.  Which you know, they are actually connected.  Our state of needing to keep things for the sake of keeping them, is a strong emotional attachment to the past.  When you are trying to move forward with your life, having these such items lingering around doesn’t help to move forward.  It’s been a double whammy around here with the past shit flying into boxes and hearts remembering things we had hoped the other had moved on from.

To say the least it has been a struggle over the last few days.  It’s brought up a bunch of old emotions, that I thought were long buried.  It’s caused me unnecessary stress, anger, frustration and loneliness.  Sometimes my inability to talk, or reach out means I choose endure and suffer alone in my own confusion.  And again this all stems from the baggage we keep from old relationships, that get brought up all over again when moving and packing!

My advice to anyone who is living together…Make sure before you move in, your internal baggage is put away, cleared up, dealt with and long into the past before you move forward with someone else.  Secondly, your external reminders, If you can’t throw the stuff out, then atleast have it already packed and put away so it won’t come back to haunt you later, and the one you are now living with.  You have no idea what kinds of emotions, and frustration that causes the other, when you are trying to sneakily pack away things from the gal who was your ex, that you were involved with when we first met and even into the first year of  our relationship! BTW~ I had no idea he had another girlfriend.  Can you say blind?

I’ve learned a lot over the last 5 years, and one of them is that I know longer where blinders.  When they say that once trust is broken, it’s almost impossible to get back to where you were.  They are right.  Trust is never perfect again.  That come’s with the territory of life.  I can say this…I believe in second chances, because I am not perfect.  I believe people make mistakes, cause I make them all the time.  But I don’t believe in allowing yourself to be second to anyone, so if you have given someone your heart, and a second chance, keep your eyes open and know that there are no more chances left.  If they choose to hurt you again…I am walking, no looking back, no forgiveness, no more chances.

The Candy Striped, Sparkly, Frosted, North Pole

I will be the first to admit that Christmas does not rank up their on my top 5 holidays!  More like St.Patrick’s Day (Good Green Beer), Thanksgiving (I can stuff my face without an excuse), Halloween (Who doesn’t like a day of silliness and being someone else),  4th of July (I’m a photographer, fireworks make awesome photos), and maybe Labor Day (Again, Day off from work with Family=Happy Me!).  Those are my top 5, but this little rant isn’t about any of those, or really even Christmas for that matter.  I try during the holiday season, to get a jump start on holiday cheer by incorporating silly things into my life, that relate to the holidays, to help get me in the spirit.  I do enjoy Holiday tv shows, Classic Christmas stories, and music, and the beautiful decorations in Downtown Portland.  (Maine’s largest city, if your not from this neck of the woods.)

I was thinking about what keeps me motivated, to continue writing, learning, studying and pursuing my dreams, goals, and inspirations.  Life has been absolutely off the charts crazy, building a house, moving from the existing house, to now moving the existing house, a mom who has some sort of Mental disorder, the doctors are leaning towards Delusional Disorder,  a job that really is a pain in the butt,  and then you have the normal everyday stuff to attempt to keep up with! Can you say mass confusion?! That’s been my life in a handbag, lately!  But it’s ok… Cause when I was thinking this morning, of what a long day ahead of me, packing and moving…I also realized that I had a shining light in me head.  A sort of North star, light at the end of the tunnel, anchor, or guiding light.  Whatever you want to call, what keeps you going towards your dream, when you are exhausted by the everyday life struggles.  We all have struggles, but they are a little easier to contend with, when you have a guiding light in the distance!

So, randomly enough, my light this morning took on the look of Santa and the North Pole.  Welcome to the holiday season always being somewhere in the back of my conscious.  It’s candy striped, with beautiful little flickers of light shining up and down the pole.  Completely surrounded with surreal, white, fluffy and not freezing snow! Only in my dreams! At the top of pole is the most brilliant, not blinding light.  It lets off a warm glow that goes for miles or days even.  As long as I can continue directing myself towards that light, my life feels lighter.  Not quite so anxious and out of my control.  It allows me a place to go when things are getting off track.  All I have to do, is close my eyes, picture my sparkly pole and I can remove myself (my emotions) to a better place where I know that I will be fine, and get through whatever I need to.

My shining light gives me the strength to sit down and write this blog, even though I know there are other things waiting for my attention.  If I chose to ignore this feeling to write, I would be directly altering my direction, and going away from my destiny.  To write is like breathing for me.  When I ignore that calling it literally effects the rest of my day.  I feel incomplete and slightly disoriented.  Following my glow allows me to have a peaceful day, even when it is busy, stressful and uncertain.  My light stays with me through out the day.  It creates a warm, fuzzy feeling in me that I think goes well beyond myself, for even when encounters with others, are stressful that light radiates through me, the situation, and to them.

In closing my blog for the morning, I would love for you to think about what your Guiding Light is?  What do you envision?  How do you stay following your light when life is less than smooth?  How does your guiding light help you to continue on your true path, and create a well lit road map to follow your true destiny?  When you are staying true to your sparkly light, what feelings and emotions are present in your life?

Look for your light and follow it, for only then will you find absolute truth, peace and happiness!

Interesting concept….

I recently heard that sometimes in order to connect with your true inner self, you may need to disconnect completely from outside sources, folks in your life, and any other person/concept that may be interfering with your ability to connect with yourself?  In some ways, it totally makes sense, if what you are dealing with adds more stress than good, well then of course..You would definitely choose to limit your intake to negative energy.  But to completely cut yourself off from social circles, friends, family, groups etc..While you go on a hunt for your inner spirit, some how seems a bit extreme, lonely, and well I would think slightly crazy.  Going through change is hard enough, but going alone seems rather counter productive.  I surely can see the flip side, of having a quiet space to go off to, to collect your thoughts and review and gather insight into your life.  But when you come to conclusions, it has always seemed refreshing to me to be able to bounce those thoughts off a trusted friend, co-worker, family member.  Someone whom I know I can trust to be honest, and respectful of the changes I am going through..

So my question to you,  Do you think when you are going through major life shifts, it is healthy, productive, and may even speed up the process of growth and self evolvement, to seek out extended periods of aloneness? Any thoughts?

 

Thanks again for your input and following my journey..

Shelley

Short but SWEET…. :~)

Last post,  was way longer than I had anticipated!  So off the serious note, and onto short, sweet, pleasant and delicious.  I just needed to write something that didn’t require quite so much brain power… And that is the point of this blog!

Not every blog needs to generate life changing behavior!  Part of being healthy is finding your balance.  Balance in life can be tricky,  but with a little thought, and some time it can be achieved!

5 Tips for Walking the Balance Beam

1.  Pencil yourself in!!~ Make time for you! No-one else knows what you need, quite as good as you do!

2.  Be honest~If you don’t want to do something don’t! I can assure you, the roof won’t fall on your head!

3.  Leave work at work~ Don’t mix the two! Once you start that bad habit, the boundaries just went out the window!

4.  Physically be the best you can be ~ Gotta a bad habit, work on getting rid of it.  Never easy, but you will never be successful if you don’t try! I had to quit drinking…nothing positive was happening in my life.  Actually nothing was happening, I was going no where quick! I’m functioning at a much higher level with out the 3-4 beers at the end of the day!  Exercise…Whether walking, stretching, or yoga,  Do something! Hydrated~ H2O.  Eat healthy, regular sleep patterns and have lots of gratitude.  This keeps you maximized to your full potential.

5.  Do a Pie Chart~ Divide up your week, and get a visual view of what is out of balance, and then sit down and craft a way to leave some things out of one, and add to the other.  This can be done, and easily achieved.  It’s a matter of priorities, delegating,  and/or being honest.  If you complain your life is out of balance, it simply is your own fault for choosing and allowing it to be this way.

One of the great things about being a life coach…Is holding folks accountable for their whining!!  No whining allowed unless you really want to get to work and bust out of your crazy life!!

Extreme Self-Care~ To fully live, you must die a little each day!~

Talk about painful.  As most often I am in the middle of a great book, written by the inspirational Martha Beck.  Of the many things I have learned and acknowledged in this potent, sometimes hard to swallow book,  that sometimes, more often than not… Great growth and change requires huge amounts of work, dedication and death.  Death!  The parts of you that are no longer working for you.  They must die.  They may be your comfort zone, but they are no longer comfortable.   For each and every day that you sit in that comfort zone, you are feeling more and more imprisoned in your own reclining chair.  Who would have thought that prison, could feel so darn comforting?

When I speak of death, it’s a purely metaphysical experience.  You are slowly letting go of past stories, old wounds, lessons your parents taught you, and self negative thoughts you have gathered along your journey of life!  They are often so embedded in our daily routine, we hardly recognize they are there.  It’s a subtle as “Off to another wonderful day at the office,  Maybe tomorrow will be better?”  Or “My parents were right, when they said I would never be able to have a good relationship, so I may as well accept what this is, and stick it out.”  Or “Why can’t life be easy?”  “What am I doing wrong?” “Will I ever find a job I love?” “I’m never going to get ahead, this is life!” Any self negative talk or behavior, that was either learned, shown, or you grew into will have to die a slow, painful death in order for you to fully experience your full potential and purpose in life.

This really is the tip of the iceberg, the pill you mus swallow in order to experience relief, and joy deep within your mind.  We all have the potential to grow, to be our best selves, but somewhere along the road of life, we listened to, too many other people, who more often than not, are the folks who love us the most.  They only want the very best for us.  They really don’t want us to fail.  And more than anything they are just giving advice that was handed down from generations of folks who lived life the exact same way.  Each of these generations just accepted what is! They didn’t second guess their roles in society or where they should work, or whether they would stay married, even if the marriage is a disaster.  They just did it! They stayed unhappy because they were shown there are no other options.  Well,  I’ve gotta tell you…. Really, honestly there are! Not easy options.  Painful options.  The choice is always yours to make.  You can sit, stuck in your comfortable prison of life, where every day you feel the walls are falling in on you, or you can take a leap of faith, do a small painful step every day, to break those bars that are holding you back from living a life, filled with joy, happiness, success and personal satisfaction.  I mean really,  who ever came up with the concept that it is not ok, to be personally satisfied! Doesn’t that sound absurd!

Working through this process is challenging, and I would highly recommend working on it with a life coach, trusted friend, family member (someone with their own personal satisfaction in order), a co-worker(struggling with the same thing, you can at least be support for one another), or your minister, priest or clergy.  Anyone who can be your personal motivator, cheerleader, inspiration, mentor, brainstorming back board, and accountability coach!   You will not want to go through this death alone! This process requires that you break free from old, past hurts.  Learning to live exclusively in the present, not the future, and certainly not the past.  You must defy self negative behavior and talk.  You need to learn to love yourself, trust yourself, and grow deeply within yourself.  It’s about trusting you more than those that love you! Hard to digest, and those that love you, WILL not approve of your new found strength from within.  It’s not that they don’t want you to be happy, they just simply won’t understand the fundamentals of what you are going through.  And when you don’t understand something, most people fear it!

Below I have listed 3 Extreme Ice-Breakers for Melting away your old, worn out beliefs, and challenging a welcoming, new, and fresh belief system! If your not ready for major change, don’t jump in…Cause there is potential for a long, drawn out, death.

1.  Jump In~ You have two choices, once you make this decision.  Either you learn to swim, wade, drift or you drown!  Whatever choice you are beating yourself up about, and being wishy washy with…Now’s the time to make you or break you!  I told you, it’s extreme! If you want a divorce, ask for one! If you want to move, call the broker, put your house on the market.  If you hate your job quit.  Either way, when you really think about it.  Deep down you know what choice you want to make.  Most of us do! We are just always waiting for one more thing to fall into place, more money in the bank, the perfect job to fill the one we hate, the spouse to change into a more loving, kind, and passionate companion, or the housing market to improve.  They might happen.  Who knows! I certainly am no fortune teller.  But what I can tell you,  is it’s not happening today! And a big part of self care, is living in today!  Tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone!

2.  Defy Your Role~Stop people pleasing! Listen to your heart, and that quiet knowing voice, deep down in your mind!  That voice sings a song just for you! It’s yours and yours alone.  None of us have the same tune, we all have something unique and different to offer to the world.  What is yours saying to you?

Defying your role, may include saying no to the sibling who asks for help constantly but does nothing for anyone else.  It might be saying no to the boss, who knows you will follow through with flying colors, so he personally volunteers you to be the head of a new project…(that deep down inside, you could care less about).  It could also be, not engaging in daily friend and family drama.

Here’s a little first hand scenario that played out not too long ago with my mom.   She came for a visit, and not too long into it, she was already challenging my patience.  Really pushing for a fight.  But I had recently decided…I am not going there anymore! She will have to find another partner for the boxing match! Sadly, my mom has always been the negative nelly.  Why didn’t you do this?  Why didn’t you finish college?  This relationship won’t last either, just like your marriage! On and on it goes with my mom.  I love her, because she’s my mom.  But seriously when someone has nothing nice or positive, or affirming to say you,  it does NOT matter how much you love them! You shouldn’t put up with that behavior from anyone!  So to make the story short, I paced my living room, I wouldn’t respond to her slams, and when I didn’t talk.  She accused me of hiding my feelings, and being a cold bitch! I burst!!!  I looked straight at her, and told her until she could be respectful, say things in a manner that was helpful and not negative and degrading, to please leave MY home and don’t come back! Yes, she just about fell over.  “Are you serious?”  That was her response.  Mine was simply, I love you, but I love me more! So please leave.  I was hoping for a miracle, but it didn’t happen.  That was the day the old, worn out Shelley DIED.  The one who was no longer going to be pushed around by the people who claimed to love me.  I literally in my brain, envisioned myself throwing that person in the closet and locking the door forever!

Have I spoken to my mom, Yes.  It was a short, distant, 5 minute conversation on the phone.  When I could tell, she was headed back toward her old patterns, I wrapped up the conversation with I love you, and just wanted to say A  quick hello.  I hope some day she gets it! I will never deny my mom, my love.  I will always hug her, and give her a big, fat wet smooch on her cheek, but I will not be treated with disrespect because I didn’t live up to someone else’s standards! I don’t have too!!!

3.  The Bad in the Good~ Do you have a favorite toy? Car? Place? A special event that happened to you?  Is there someone in your life, whom you adore to the stars and beyond?  Do you have a talent or gift that you are blooming in? Think up a fabulous event, thing, or person that generates joy, happiness, and glowing smiles.  Now think,  How did this event/thing come into my life? So for example, when I say “I have a passion for writing, and living my life according to me.”  How did I get this way?  I went through a very dark space of transition.  This passion for writing was born over night, nor was it born from my life being smooth sailing.  It came from heartache, feeling broken, overwhelmed, and defeated.  It was through that extremely despairing space in my life that I began to write again.  Not just write in a journal, but deeply pick apart my life, truths, and inner demons and work them out the door.  Every day I feel I am living my life, finally according to me.  But it was only once I stopped wallowing in the self-pity of how my marriage failed, and stopped blaming myself for all the failures in it, that I was truly able to see the Good that stemmed from the horrific black pit I was in!

You may have to investigate a bit to find the bad within the good, but you will certainly more often than not, find that with all good there was a bad.  The lesson in this, is that even in your darkest hour, you can literally show yourself on paper, that good things will come! They do.  It’s how life works.  We learn lessons, we become more creative, we stop listening to other’s and show up for our own lives.  Eventually that grim space you are in, will fade away, and you will be showing up with bells on, dancing your own dance, smiling within!

My little disclaimer to each of you:

I am not a certified doctor/therapist, or councelor. I am in the midst of achieving my hours for Certification with ICA.  None of the posts in my blogs are to be used to diagnose or treat any sort of mental illness. If you are suffering from a form of mental illness, please seek appropriate medical treatment.  Thank you for reading and following my journey!